My chest shudders with fear
My belly tightens
My skin sweats
My mind races
Facing the parts of this house
That still bear her mark
Making it mine
(Re)claiming the space
Releasing emotions
Trying to own a space
Take up space
In my own fucking house
It’s a loooooong process
It’s been years
And yet she echoes still
Her ghost
Her way
Her rules
Fuck her rules
Why did I wait this long
To attempt
To own my space
Why was I so passive
Invisible
I tried to be a void
A nothing
Of course she filled it
With her preferences
Of course she left
I had no dreams
Of my own
No self to give
I see now
An empty shell
And what living with that
Was like
How could she be in love with
A ghost?
I am a person now
I am learning to take up space
I am building a self
A life
Brick by brick
Line upon line
Preference on preference
By the sweat of my brow
Shall I be a person
Evolving
All the days of my life