On finishing projects

i am afraid of shipping a freelance project. i am afraid of: losing this income source losing this business relationship if it flops and the client blames me i’m not trusting myself to make the correct decisions, and i want all risk to be eliminated … “On finishing projects”

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The Hall Closet

My chest shudders with fearMy belly tightensMy skin sweatsMy mind racesFacing the parts of this houseThat still bear her markMaking it mine(Re)claiming the spaceReleasing emotionsTrying to own a spaceTake up spaceIn my own fucking houseIt’s a loooooong processIt’s been yearsAnd yet she echoes stillHer ghostHer … “The Hall Closet”

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2020-01-21 on fear

This post came to me during my morning (non-guided) meditation with Insight Timer. Use fear/anxiety as motivation to action, not paralysis. The animal brain fears, and this can be a good signal, and can inform my actions, but I tend to use it to justify … “2020-01-21 on fear”

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ADHD Hyperfocus is a depth-first search

If a task is not “interesting” (whatever that means) it’s like pulling teeth to start. However, if a task is interesting, it’s like pulling teeth to stop. Waking-up thought today: with ADHD, it’s like I’m stuck stuck in a perpetual depth-first search. (I would’ve called … “ADHD Hyperfocus is a depth-first search”

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On feelings

I’ve come to believe there is no “should” with feelings. They’re irrational by definition. They’re not gonna make sense. You feel them, you hold space for them, no matter how bizarre or fucked up, and…. They change. They move on. And then you can too. … “On feelings”

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Life is pain. Life is struggle.

There is no meaning but the meaning we create. No wonder people need comforting, if false, stories, like myths, heroic stories, religion, legends of larger-than-life scientific greats. They need comfort. I need comfort, because the truth is harsh. The truth is… Everything has an end, … “Life is pain. Life is struggle.”

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