Uncategorized – The Recovering Cultist

On finishing projects

August 24, 2020August 24, 2020 recoveringcultist

i am afraid of shipping a freelance project. i am afraid of: losing this income source losing this business relationship if it flops and the client blames me i’m not trusting myself to make the correct decisions, and i want all risk to be eliminated … “On finishing projects”

Raaaage

August 03, 2020August 03, 2020 recoveringcultist

Rage is good for keeping a person alive. You gotta have something to get up for in the morning, something to fight for. Human nature, the nature of life itself, is to fight the unwinnable fight against the darkness, against entropy and hate and the … “Raaaage”

The Hall Closet

February 19, 2020February 19, 2020 recoveringcultist

My chest shudders with fearMy belly tightensMy skin sweatsMy mind racesFacing the parts of this houseThat still bear her markMaking it mine(Re)claiming the spaceReleasing emotionsTrying to own a spaceTake up spaceIn my own fucking houseIt’s a loooooong processIt’s been yearsAnd yet she echoes stillHer ghostHer … “The Hall Closet”

2020-01-21 on fear

January 21, 2020January 21, 2020 recoveringcultist

This post came to me during my morning (non-guided) meditation with Insight Timer. Use fear/anxiety as motivation to action, not paralysis. The animal brain fears, and this can be a good signal, and can inform my actions, but I tend to use it to justify … “2020-01-21 on fear”

ADHD Hyperfocus is a depth-first search

November 28, 2019November 28, 2019 recoveringcultist

If a task is not “interesting” (whatever that means) it’s like pulling teeth to start. However, if a task is interesting, it’s like pulling teeth to stop. Waking-up thought today: with ADHD, it’s like I’m stuck stuck in a perpetual depth-first search. (I would’ve called … “ADHD Hyperfocus is a depth-first search”

On feelings

November 26, 2019 recoveringcultist

I’ve come to believe there is no “should” with feelings. They’re irrational by definition. They’re not gonna make sense. You feel them, you hold space for them, no matter how bizarre or fucked up, and…. They change. They move on. And then you can too. … “On feelings”

It is ok to struggle

November 10, 2019 recoveringcultist

mood as I write this post. (Also, I need to find a credit for the featured image) Every human being struggles. For that matter, every being, every organism does. For survival, for the chance to thrive. That’s one of the big lies of adulthood, I … “It is ok to struggle”

2019-11-01 on time blindness

November 02, 2019January 21, 2020 recoveringcultist2 Comments

Be in this moment. Whatever it is.

October 17, 2019October 17, 2019 recoveringcultist

I look over at my dogs, asleep next to me. These little guys don’t stress about the meaning of life. They don’t know they’re just carbon, that were all gonna die and decay. So, why do I stress about it??

Life is pain. Life is struggle.

October 08, 2019October 08, 2019 recoveringcultist

There is no meaning but the meaning we create. No wonder people need comforting, if false, stories, like myths, heroic stories, religion, legends of larger-than-life scientific greats. They need comfort. I need comfort, because the truth is harsh. The truth is… Everything has an end, … “Life is pain. Life is struggle.”